
July 01 | 19.00
July 24 | 16.00
July 24 | 18.00
July 25 | 11.00
July 25 | 13.00
July 30 | 19.00
July 30 | 21.00
Tickets
15/10 €
Premiere
The workouts have different requirements for sportswear and fitness levels. Please refer to the visitor information.
On June 24, the box office will not open until 3:00 pm.
Do you want the rational spiciness of white masculinity alongside the physicality of Black femmes? If you're looking for a way to combine the two, Colonastics is for you!
Colonastics is the world's first fitness workout that does without the exoticizing bullshit of Zumba, the pseudo-spiritual, esoteric bells and whistles of white yoginis and neo-colonial appropriations! Why? Because it feeds solely on the physicality of white cultural practices. Stiffen your joints, throw your limbs around uncontrollably and perfect your air guitar. Feel white supremacy flowing through our collective consciousness and become part of a movement that will revolutionize the fitness world.
Push yourself to the limit with white body building, beat the beat at Berghain Bounce, get whisked away on a deeply relaxing post-racial dream trip, or find your inner white man during a sweaty beer bike tour of Berlin. Once the smell of Sauerkraut Juice and the Schlager tunes grab you, you'll understand why Colonastics classes change everything! Mega-effective? Yup! Mega fun? Hell yes! Every time you come out of class, you'll be bursting with energy and feel invincible.
JUNE 24 | 16:00 | The Rockout
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate
JUNE 24 | 18:00 | Total Body Schranzformation
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate
JUNE 25 | 11:00 | Brachiales Beer Biking
Outdoor-Workout
Bring sportswear
Level: Beginner
JUNE 25 | 13:00 | Brachiales Beer Biking
Outdoor-Workout
Bring sportswear
Level: Beginner
JUNE 30 | 19:00 | Schlager HIIT
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Beginner
JUNE 30 | 21:00 | White Music Jam (mit Live DJ)
Indoor-Workout
All levels
JULY 01 | 14:00 | Whiteness is a State of Mind – Eine Traumreise nach Happyland
Indoor-Workout
Bring comfortable clothes
Level: Beginner
JULY 01 | 19:00 | Total Body Schranzformation
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate
Maria Sene has recently completed her 300-hour Colonastics™ instructor training. Whiteness runs in her family, but having trained at one of the whitest institutions in Scotland, Maria was able to observe and experience whiteness even more closely. Her previous training included white modern dance, Jazzercise, Ballet, Weightlifting, German Tanz Theater, and Stanislavsky acting techniques embedded in a vocal release technique of sighing. Maria is also known for popularizing the Sauerkraut challenge throughout Germany, making it a staple in the white cosmic wellness movement. Her expertise in white embodiment, such as white panic, white fragility, white fear, and whitewashing, complements the Colonastics™ team. Since watching her first boyfriend play guitar in a rock band, Maria has become an expert in playing air guitar and teaching Rock-Out, Punkletics, and Metal Muscle Health. Maria’s white teaching style is praised for being dangerously confusing and eye-opening. Her favorite move, the headbanger, is guaranteed to knock you out! By joining Maria’s class, you can be sure she will take whiteness to the next level! Maria enjoys quoting herself: “Blander, Stiffer, Ruder, Stronger!” (Maria Sene).
Elisabeth Hampe is a certified Colonastics™ instructor since 2017. Growing up in an all-white family she started working out with Turnen, Walzer, Foxtrott and ballet as a child and teen. Elisabeth has profound wisdom and knowledge in all things white as she naturally embodies whiteness. Her path has also gifted her with experiences in Lyrical Modern Dance, Berghain Bouncing and Truth Bending. Elisabeth was able to deepen her practice by studying at an ultimately white theatre institute in Mittelhessen, reading mainly white authors and partaking in various white male-dominated student parties. As part of a holistic research retreat in the former BRD capital Bonn she became one of the founding members of Colonastics™. Since then, Elisabeth has devoted all her energy and time to help people to discover and embrace their inner whiteness. Her mystically patronizing and denyingly dogmatic teaching style come from a remarkably authentic place. In her excruciatingly calming mind vs. body classes, she will tell you to be your own Universe and ask all from yourself. In Colonastics™ and in life her favorite moves are the Wall of Death and the Disco Fox. The mantra Elisabeth lives by and hopes to pass on to her students reads “Respect the Rules and Pray!” (DJ Bobo). Inspired by her heritage her future goal is to become the next Spreewaldgurkenkönig.
Julia-Friederike Tischkau started her physical journey in the context of white German Sportvereins. Together with her twin brother, she trained in judo, gaining the yellow belt under the strict regimen of beer-bellied judoka Willi. She also gained experience in other recreational white spaces, doing children's ballet, aerobics, step aerobics, and video-clip dancing, and later moved on to study contemporary dance and theatre in a white British institution. There, she was met with the full force of white embodiment, studying somatic practices such as Skinny-Bitch-Releasing Technique, Joseph-Hubertus-Pilates, Mind vs. Body Centering, and contact improvisation as practiced by its white founders Steve Paxton and Nancy Stark Smith. In search of her true, authentic self, in 2017 Julia Friederike embarked on a journey to find her inner whiteness. Together with Elisabeth, she founded Colonastics™, a fitness workout, dodging the neo-colonial practices of the fitness world and, in contrast, developing a strictly white movement practice. As a certified Colonastics instructor, Julia Friederike believes that whiteness is a state of mind that has built its own psychic life, which can be acquired and cultivated by anyone, regardless of their heritage or skin color. Julia Friederike's workouts are a painful experience, making you sweat, scream, and wish you were dead. She inherited her militant, unforgiving, and strict teaching style from her white maternal grandfather, Horst: ”Von nix kommt nix!”
CONCEPT, CHOREOGRAPHY Joana Tischkau, Elisabeth Hampe IMPLEMENTATION, INSTRUCTION Nima Sené, Elisabeth Hampe, Joana Tischkau, Onur Agbaba SPACE DESIGN Carlo Siegfried GRAPHIC DESIGN, CI Sondi SOUND Frieder Blume COSTUME Aleix Llussà López LIGHT DESIGN Hendrik Borowski ARTISTIC + ORGANIZATIONAL COOPERATION Laura-Marie Preßmar PRODUCTION Lisa Gehring
A production of Tischkau & Hampe GbR in co-production with SOPHIENSÆLE, Theater Rampe and Künstler*innenhaus Mousonturm. Funded by the Capital Cultural Fund. Media partners: Arts of the Working Class, Berlin Art Link, Kulturplakatierung, Missy Magazine, Rausgegangen, tip Berlin, taz.die tageszeitung.